Hey friends. It’s me Tash. I am currently enjoying a small break at Bahamma Breeze in Daytona as I wait for the 6 volleyball players that I just dropped off at their practice. I have 4 hours u til I need to pick them all up. Monday’s are my night to drop off and pick up. I love hearing these girls laugh, sing chit chat about the events of their days and the various people on their lives. I feel blessed to get a glimpse into their world. I can’t believe it’s been so long since I was 15, chit chatting with my “girls”. It is fun to watch how things really, actually never change ! It’s still fun to show off your dance moves, sing at the top of your lungs, listen to the latest tunes and chat about people that you are interested in, or who annoy you.? I feel priveleged to get to watch this right of passage happen to all these amazing young ladies.
Meanwhile, another right of passage is happening, mine I think. I left my kids during their spring break to assist my parents with this next phase of dementia. My mom is misplacing most of her important documents and jewelry and pretty much anything else. She is aware they are bring misplaced, and sometimes she recognizes she misplaced…whatever, but she also feels people are hiding things from her, or stealing from her, or giving her super special, personal items away. My dad is elevating status wise in my eyes from a fairly narcissistic person to a fairly patient and kind care-giver…I never thought I’d see the day. I’m so proud of him.
I spent 3 days going through mom’s closets, my old room, the dining room, living room and searching under drawers, lamp base, under her collection of Baby dolls and whatever else. In the end, my dad and I found her purse, passports, ID’s, insurances cards, LOTS of Jewelery…some costume, and some fine jewelry. I threw away hundreds of empty pill bottles, tic tac containers, and various other vessels. We also met with a social worker and discussed some necessary topics as well as some options. We adopted some of those recommendations while I was there too. I brought my mom home with me for Easter and I’m grateful, but tired. My dad is getting some much needed respite-and I’m glad. He asked me today if I’d watch after her for an additional week, and I kindly declined. I feel a bit bad about that, but I feel like I have to keep pushing back my own stuff to assist all the various parents. My mom is full time and I still have 3 kids. Our other thing we have going that we are putting on hold, is an art studio. We are nearly ready to build. We have the plans, the surveys the various people in place, and we just stopped ( partly due to the contractor taking liberties with our time) but also because my mom really is declining rapidly, and I think some of this can be slowed down with more interaction with friends and family. We are considering selling our beautiful home and buying a property that is larger with a 2/1 bungalow on it, so that my mother can live more fully with and near us and her friends, and our nearby Hispanic community. My dad will have to have some skin in this game, ultimately, this is “their life”. Their existence. I am able to make things better, but we are going to have to figure out boundaries, and how we are able to support each other. I’m confused at this minute. I love my folks. I adore my mom. I’m just not sure if this is me still giving too much, or if you just “do” these things for your mom. I know for a fact she would do this for me, my dad…ehhh, I am positive he wouldn’t. But this is about my mom. Hmm? I’m going to tell you, the house we are looking at is amazing. It’s a historic home. 5 bedrooms 3 baths. There is a seperate house on the property that is small ish for my folks, but super doable. There is an orange grove on the property and it’s fully fenced in…oh yeah, and it has an art studio on the property…I forgot to mention that! With all of that, I’m still not sure I want to move,or that my dad is as invested as I am. It just makes me sad to think he wouldn’t be. Btw, my husband (who’s a Saint) is the one who suggested all of this! I don’t know how I attracted this Godly man. I’m grateful I did though. Thoughts? I’m a little stuck-ish. Especially today as I’m a little overwhelmed. Sigh* Thanks for listening friends.