Tag Archives: birthdays

January 26, 2017

4 months…4 months! How is this possible? I know I say that all the time, but seriously! I have written a few times over the last several months, but haven’t finished any of the posts. Not one! I write to you in the pick up line at the middle school, or as I sit waiting at a doctors appointment, but they haven’t gotten finished or posted.

Well, grab a cup of coffee I suppose. Let’s chat! Where to begin? I feel insane really for all that I am about to disclose, because, this is novel material. If someone told me this was their life, I would think they were making it up. How could this amount of stuff so constantly be happening? Not sure. But… this is my life. And it is real. I think that this is going to be my life forever too. I mean, that it will forever be like this and that it will maintain this level of insanity.
Ok, well, I warned you.
So I just read over my last post. “Sitting on porch relaxing with my dog watching the ibis and listening to the ravens???”I want that!!!! Serenity now! I could remember that moment as I read over it, and remembered the peace I felt. I have moments of peace, but they don’t just find me. I have to actively look for peace and serenity. Since I last wrote, we did major work on our new, old, house. We gutted and redid the kitchen, and we started the process on a bathroom, as well as rewiring, painting and moving in. We moved in November 11, and sold our old home on November 17th. This house has immediately felt like home, which has been a very pleasant surprise. We have all enjoyed it very much. There is a shit ton of work still to be done, but…ehh, it’ll happen. We hosted Thanksgiving and entertained 30 people 2 weeks into our lives at this house. We ushered in December with our annual Christmas bingo/ugly sweater christmas party to the tune of 100 people (outside). It was awesome as always. We have such a great time with that party. All our friends and their kids and our families come. It is wonderful. We then celebrated Christmas and New Years…which brings us to now – ish. Remember that we bought this house because it had a second house on the property – for momma? Well, Mom and Dad moved up almost a week ago, into their sweet little bungalow. Moved is a relative term, but they are here and they have various belongings which makes it seem as though they reside here. It was quite a feat convincing them. My dad arrived kicking and screaming and putting on the tantrum of his life. He DOES NOT WANT TO BE HERE! But, he is here and since they are attempting this “move” for the second time (in a week) he isn’t acting quite as awful. My mom is thrilled to be here, to eat dinner with us, to be around the kids, but is experiencing sundown syndrome, where all goes to hell at night. She freaks out, paces, packs to leave, is paranoid, scared, has behavior changes, hallucinates, hears things, etc. That is hard and has been really tough. Tylenol PM is the answer to that so far. I have put her back on all her meds (my dad took her off all her meds- he didn’t want to manage them, and felt they weren’t doing her any good anyway.) I take her with me in the afternoons to go and do kid pick ups. We have been cooking together (she mostly watches or snaps beans for me or washes lettuce.) She has no idea how to cook anymore. In total, I am around the corner from losing my mom forever with in her own body and mind. That is where we are. She is lost. She wanders in circles aimlessly, picking up random things, having random conversations that don’t make any sense. It is becoming increasingly difficult for her to find her words, the right ones anyway. She still recognizes me. I am grateful. She no longer recognizes my father. She is positive his name is Dave, and he is a friend who takes care of her, and who is badgering her to marry him. She tells him all the time she is already married to Ron, and that she can’t do that within the catholic church. God Bless her. My father is devastated. This is the knee jerker. She calls him Dave all day long. She would really like him to go back to his own house. He is just visiting. Sorry Dave-O, I know you read my blog. Anyway. She often times thinks Dave, my father, and she, go and do various things together. She feels like the 3 of them go out to eat, to the movies, or whatever else. Her condition is called Capgras Delusions. Very interesting, and super sad.
Switching gears for a minute. So, as all this is going on, the milestones are still happening. My daughter just turned 12 last Wednesday. Bless her heart, she asked for a trash can, black socks that match, and a lint roller??? WTF! Dear lord! Anyway, My oldest has now been accepted into the 3 colleges he applied to! Exciting. We are heading up to the University of Cincinnati this upcoming Monday to take it in in the winter and to see the Lumineers in concert. This is what he wanted for his birthday, which is Saturday. He is about to legally be an adult…ugh….sigh…tears. I took him (because they still make you!) to his last pediatric doctor appointment. You know I cried afterwards right? My son is a man. Such a great man too. You know how awesome it is to be around your kids and think… I really like this PERSON. He/she is a great, and fun, and ethical, person. Not just my kid, but person that is going out into this world. Anyway. I adore his doctor, and she has loved him and taken care of he and his sisters since 2000. It was bittersweet. My Man child drove himself home after the appointment. **sigh**
Meanwhile, I spoke with my mom’s memory care team and caught her up to speed on mom being here and where she is at mentally, and she sweetly said, keep your momma comfortable. Meds from here forward will be for quality of life. This process has been happening very very quickly, and it will keep doing so. Enjoy your mom. She won’t be around too much longer. Especially not in the way that you know her.
I was driving… and crying. So, I had a little time to process and write down questions and I spoke to her again today. This time I was able to write down answers to questions I had, and ask questions without quite the shock of yesterday. I feel sad, to the bottom of my heart. Overwhelmed, and like somehow, this is all so unfair. I curse no one. I say little. It just sits so heavy on my soul. I just told my brother – he chooses to remain out of anything mom and dad related. Pretty much me related too these days. We will see what he chooses to do. I felt like he needed to know. The rest is up to him.
Anyway. I am grateful I still have time with my momma. I am grateful my dad is here, and I am so grateful for my husband and family that prove to be the Gibraltar of all rocks.
Blessings and peace. Hug your mommas.

July 31…really???

How is this possible? Could a month and a half passed since writing you? Crazy! Time flies! Whether you are having fun or not…gratefully, I am mostly having fun! I love summer. I do. I love it. Lack of schedule, lack of mandatory running around (mostly), swimming, the beach, sleeping in late, road trips, hanging out with your kids all the time, sleepovers. I know some parents are excited for the kids to go back to school, and I am too at times, but mostly, I just love this time together. I feel the changes happening, the shifts occurring, and soon my babies are going to move on, as they are supposed to do. I am not trying to be dramatic, but I AM trying to be present. This summer has not been our typical summer. My oldest has been away for 4 weeks this summer- three consecutively. We have been trying to sell our home, lots of cleaning up and lots of showings, as well as preparing to move into our new home. We picked our son up from the course he was taking at Emory University, and then proceeded to do our son’s college tour from there. It was so great having him back and having all of my people in the car with me. Lots of conversation, restaurants, different playlists from different kids, and lots of cool destinations. We have a better handle now on what we are looking for in re:to schools, and re: what won’t serve our son so well. It was a great trip, and we are glad to now be home.
My middle babe turned 15 yesterday. What is that about! It is crazy that this can be true. But it is. She is gorgeous inside and out and I am grateful she is my baby. We had about 15 of her friends over yesterday beginning at 4 to swim, have a cook out, they played giant yard Jenga, had a water balloon fight, made s’mores, and watched an outdoor movie while hanging out in the pool. It was a great evening. Her friends are just as nice as she is…and we are so grateful. They were so thoughtful in their gift giving, it was awesome to see her open up truly thoughtful presents. She is so thoughtful in her gift giving, and it was nice those sentiments returned. This was our first coed party too, mind you. But they truly enjoyed one another. Initially, it was awkward like a middle school dance – boys on one side, girls on the other, but then our pastor and his family arrived, to have their 5 year old little girl give Grace the gift she bought her. That little girl wrangled all those boys up and girls and had them all eating out of her hands at the same time! The boys were sweet to her and were high fiving her and letting her put flash tattoos all over them. By the end of the visit with our pastor and his family, all the boys and girls were swimming together, playing games together, having water balloon fights, etc. It was adoreable! It also really showed the true nature of all of these 15 & 16 year old kids. They were tender and sweet and not too cool to be nice to a couple of adorable little kids.
Mom is still mom. She is consistently loosing things, obsessing about them for a few weeks, and then finding them. She and dad are busy filling their days with movies, and the theatre, and lots of tacos from San Julians in Ft. Myers! We talk nearly daily and she is sweet and funny. My dad has been taking her for trips to get her nails done, her hair done, or a massage. It is making him happy to do this for her and it also buys him a little alone time I think. The other day they called me and she had just come back from getting her hair cut and colored along with a manicure. I asked her to tell me about it and she said she was really happy with everything but they did a terrible job on her toes. She said she was going to go back in tomorrow and have them redo them because they looked terrible. Meanwhile, in the background my dad says” they didn’t do your toes today…they did your hair and your fingernails.” She said…”Oooh, really? Hmm. Well, I am going to go back there and have them fix them up anyway, they look terrible.” Bless her heart. I am not sure where they are still re: the new house. If nothing else, we are providing an option for them. It doesn’t appear as though my dad is on the same page as us, still. We will see. I think this will change, but in the meantime, I will not say anything except that it will be there for them should they need it. We are creating an option.
My brother and I texted recently. That is unusual, but not entirely unpleasant. He let me know through text that he and his family have moved to New Hampshire. Hmm. They needed a change. Ok. He wrote to give me his new number. Near the end of our text exchange, he asked about my mom. Asked how she was. She would feel very betrayed if I were to give up her personal info to someone who she feels has abandoned her so I simply said that she was well, but that life is tougher these days, than in days past. He stated that he has written them countless letters, sent them photos, and his various addresses, but they never get in touch with him. He said he feels they are screening his calls to because he hasn’t been able to reach them.
If my parents knew how to use their phones or technology, I might see his point of view, but my parents went to Mexico in April, and my dad just 3 days ago figured out how to turn off airplane mode!!! Again…bless his heart! They are trying. For this I am grateful. All I could say to my sibling was, I am sorry that you all are in this place. I left it at that. I am done having this discussion. He is too obviously. He said that he is done reaching out to them. I hope his son looks at life with a little more love and humility, and doesn’t do to his parents what my sibling has done to my parents. My parents will never get over the heart ache, I don’t believe. Especially my mom. He was her everything. Having said that, Oh well, not my bed & I won’t be sleeping in it. I will love her through it though, and try not to say anything bad or negative about anyone either. I choose to Love them all right where they are.

Quite a nutshell right? I think this is all my norm. I do not think that things will ever settle, just shift. We shall see. Once again, I am grateful. God is good to me and the people I love and those around me. Please keep us in your prayers to sell this beautiful house so that we can move into the next one with a sense of peace and tranquility. We close on August 31 – a month from today. Hard to believe. Onward and upward!
Peace, Love and Light.