Ive been delaying watching the movie Still Alice. I’ve been advised by my friends not to watch it yet. It was on the que on the way from Orlando to Germany…I avoided it. Yesterday, at our farewell dinner of our tour, a lovely lady named Alice actually, brought up the movie, quietly, to me. My mom heard a bit of the conversation and joined in singing the praises of the movie etc. Obviously , there is so much irony in this as their wasn’t a knowledge as to why this came up. Also, she was glad to be included in the conversation about a movie she enjoyed.
Spring forward one day.
I watched the movie. Ugh. So many tears on an airplane. Gratefully, I’m sitting in the seat directly behind my mom, so she couldn’t see me bawling like a baby. I’m sure the 2 people next to me think I’m either highly emotional or on my period! Highly emotional yes. Period…private. Anyway. Wow, that’s all I can think or say. Wow. It’s too huge to deal with. Especially now, on an airplane. It resonates with my in a big way though especially after the trip we just took. A lot makes sense, other parts totally haven’t happened. But wow. Oh my Gosh. I feel heartbroken for the future event of some future person. I can see it. It is out there still, but I can see it. I’ve struggled with some of these situations over the last 2 weeks. The constant questions, repetitive questions, lack of memory, lack of understanding, empathy, and awareness. As well as a lack of understanding social cues in public situations.
I can’t and won’t let it ruin our time, but the reality of it makes me so sad. Grateful to be going home.